hello again

Hey everybody....bout time I got my butt on the computer and wrote on my own blog huh?  So as you know I was in the hospital and I'm continuing the antibiotics at home.  Also I'm getting nutrition at night and fluids during the day.  I'm on the leash more than Bella.  Anywho, I found something interesting today.  My old mac that I bought before I went to NIU, well  we've now given it to Carisa and I have the new Macbook Pro.  So we transfered EVERYTHING that was on that computer over to mine when I first turned it on with a firewire cable or something, so I still had some stuff on Carisa's computer.  It has been running super slow so I went and deleted a lot of my old junk on there today to give her space and have it run smoother.  At one point I was going over word documents and I wasn't sure if an old paper was mine or hers so I read the first paragraph (turned out to be an old high school paper) and it was something like this:

  "Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever."  This is a quote by Lance Armstrong about his difficult battle with cancer.  No, don't worry I'm not a cancer survivor; my battle wounds don't run that deep.  I only have one battle scar on my knee that blah blah bla bitty blah....

dang jinx.

So for now I'm weaker than mom's will power before a nice piece of chocolate.  I've got absolutely no muscle and I get tired doing anything.  Hopefully the weather gets warmer so I can at least walk outside because it's way too cold for me now.  And walking laps around the kitchen gets old.  I really need to do this though because I could have my colostomy taken down once I'm strong enough.  Nothing would make me happier (okay I lied, I could come up with a few.)

Coming home has been bittersweet.   I think I convinced myself in Miami that coming home would give myself a sense of general feeling better (physically) but that of course isn't the case.  So I've just been trying to get used to being home and still as physically down.  Oh, some good news.  I haven't posted this because I personally am not excited about it, call me pesimistic, but its just the way I see it.  Recent cat scan images don't show any sign of cancer.  The thing is a catscan wouldn't light up areas with possible cancerous cells as a petscan would.  Since the lymphnode was positive the doctors in Miami believed I have cancerous cells, but this is an early stage.  I haven't had another petscan yet which I'm guessing will be the next step.  That's why I'm currently not on any chemo- you wouldn't hit me with the poison unless you had a reason.

This blog is super dooper not-flowy (sorry I'm rusty) and I'm just writing things as they pop up in my head.  I never did write a blog yet thanking everyone in Miami who made my life saving surgery possible.  I was under the best care and knew it too.  I am forever thankful to everyone in Miami (whether still with us or not) because they made it possible for me to be typing right now.

Friends, Friends- get home already will ya! A lot of my girlfriends are studying abroad and they seem like they're having a blast.  I can't wait for everyone to be on summer break, however long or short it is, I've missed everyone so much.  AH- A MUCH NEEDED SHOUT OUT/THANK YOU.  When I got home I came into a room that wasn't quite as I left it.  My room was filled with 1,000 strung paper cranes, hanging around the ceiling of my room, and over my bed.  This is said to be good luck, with an old tale behind it.  My amazing friend Kiira started making these delicate origami cranes when I left for Miami.  She realized eventually this was too much for one person!  She called on her sister with her freshman english class for help (She's the teacher.)  I heard they made a whole unit out of it, learning the tale, reading some blog entries (probably correcting my grammar) and of course making the remaining 500 cranes.  I can't thank everyone enough it brightened up my room and was an amazing surprise...and hey, I could use all the luck I can get.  Kiira once again- you rock.  There is one little section in the picture to give you an idea.

I'm sure there's many more things I wanted to add that I'll remember later.. I'll save up for another non-flowing spastic entry.  

Lots of love,

 Sammy 

P.S. some of you have asked what Bella did when I came home.  I think the best way to describe it is she turned into a battering ram and the target was my stomach.  Not quite as I imagined it....a tad more painful, but at least she was happy (I think.)  She sleeps on my floor (not that she doesn't attempt getting in my bed) next to me on a blanket that is now hers.  My mom says we make the same grunting noises in the morning...I just don't want to take all my pills I don't know what her issue is! Maybe gas.  At least that's why Alex grunts