Dear Sam letter

With permission I am posting Connie's letter which she tried to add as a comment. Chris

Dear Sam,
I know you said if someone wanted to talk to you they could write it down and leave it under their pillow and you would read it. But, I'm guessing that if I write to you on your blog you'll read it too! I miss not being able to check the blog to see what your latest happenings are. Whether a well described hospital procedure or just what book you were reading, I always wanted to know what you were doing. But, now your stories have stopped but as life would have it, ours continue. So I thought I would tell you a story about the few days we spent saying goodbye to you.

When I looked at the map and saw the location of the funeral home it was weird because I cannot count how many times I have driven by there over the years. And, now I had to enter through those very doors myself to see you Beautiful Sam.
Not wanting to miss a moment we arrived right at the beginning of your wake. I watched in amazement as the hours ticked by and your Mom, Dad, Alex, Carisa and Tony (Mr. Secretary that is!) stood in line to greet the hundreds of people who filed by. Honestly, I couldn't really tell who was comforting who because your parents stood long and tall at a time where they most likely wanted to crumble to the floor in a heap and just sob. Your friends all came too. They mingled around with this lost look and deep sadness on their faces trying their best to comfort each other. They went from picture board to picture board looking at all the photograph's that were taken throughout your life. By the way, I don't think it's possible for you to take a bad picture! You looked beautiful in all of them!

On Saturday we woke up to the most beautiful, sunny and oddly warm November day. We went to the church and waited the arrival of you and your family. I sat in the seat next to the isle anxiously waiting and from time to time nervously turning around like a little kid wanting to see what was going on in the back of the church. Finally I could see through the doors that you and your family had arrived. Then I turned around to face the front when suddenly as if out of know where this very soft but strong gentle breeze came whooshing up the isle. All the little reserved seating signs flittered up and down. I knew at that moment you had entered the church! No doubt a choir of angels sent ahead to clear the way!

You know, I haven't been to a lot of funerals in my life Sam, but I have been to a lot of masses! Never in my life have I ever seen a priest cry while speaking! I think in that moment Father Matt said it all! It went right to my heart and spoke to how much you touched everyone! Then Alex spoke. She spoke with the grace and poise of a young woman beyond her years in honor of you, her dear sister. And, Carisa too had the courage to get up in front of hundreds of people. She knows not of her own beauty and elegances. And then your dear friends, Trisha, Carly, Jenna and Vanessa. Loyal to the end and no doubt beyond.

At the end of the service everyone filed quietly out of the church and just stood around out in front like they wanted to hold on to the moment. Many of them hugged and comforted each other. Finally people started to go to their cars to line up for the procession to the cemetery. I don't think the people sitting at red lights were happy when your procession came by! It was sooo long! I'm not sure but I'd guess at least a mile worth of cars!

We finally arrived at the cemetery and when I got out of the car I heard something that seemed so out of place that it took me a minute to fully identify what it was...the sound of a wind-chime tingling softly in the wind. I looked around to try and find where it was located but I never did find it. And, when we stood by your side at your site I could no longer hear it. I don't know how things work in the world you now reside in but I wouldn't put it past you to make that chime tingle in the breeze at that moment to sooth our broken hearts.

Well, Sam I've probably gone on too long and I know that this is written not for you as much as it is for me. Our lives have been profoundly touched by you and now profoundly altered by your leaving. To say that we miss you is an understatement. Sometimes words really aren't enough to express what a heart holds. But, I want to thank you Sam for all the love. Thank you for showing all of us what true strength really looks like. And, thank you for letting us in on your very personal journey! A quote from the book The Profit says, "When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

As always, all my love to you Beautiful Sam and to Chris, Dolly,
Alex, Carisa and Tony.
xoxo, Connie

=

Thank you Father Matt, for flying in for us and the wonderful words you spoke. Thank you Colonial-Wojciechowski, the Glen Club and Precision Reproduction Inc. for your excellent service and professionalism. Thank you Megon McDonough for your beautiful voice, and especially our home base, OLPH, for your teachings, compassion and generosity.

To my best friend Marlo, thanks for all you did, your nonstop help, but mainly for being here for Dolly, as always, when she needed it most.

To all our well-wishers and everyone who attended, especially those from out of town or away at school, who made the long drive back or flew in, thank you so much.

I am sure Sam felt the strong outpouring of love, as we did, all weekend long.

Love,

Chris

Sammy earned her wings

It is with extreme sadness to inform everyone that last night, Friday the 30^th at 1100pm after a heroic fight, Sammy’s two year long battle with pancreatic cancer ended. She died peacefully at home with her family at her side.

Visitation: Friday 3 to 9 PM at Colonial-Wojciechowski Funeral Home, 8025 W Golf Rd, Niles

Funeral Saturday, November 7th at 9:15 from the Funeral Home to OLPH Church at 1775 Grove street, Glenview. Mass 10:00 AM. Interment at All Saints Cemetery in Des Plaines.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to:

"sr. Paulanne's Needy Family Fund" at OLPH, 1775 Grove St Glenview Il 60025 or

"Transplant Foundation, Inc." at 701 SW 27th Ave, Ste 705 Miami, FL 33135 Tx# 886-900-3172 www.transplantfoundation.org/donation.asp

Dr. Moon Visits!

                                                        (click on a pic to enlarge it)
Hey everyone-

  This weekend I had a super awesome visitor.  I want to warn you now though, as I'm typing this I'm watching a hawks game and I'm not in the happiest mood about it.  Also, I get to blame anger on the steroids I'm on.  So yea!!  Anyways- Dr. Moon who did many of my surgeries in Miami and basically turned me back to me in 6 months came and visited! He had some medical things to do in Chicago and we worked it out that he came and visited at the house!  He is such a great guy I couldn't begin to explain.  You can tell no even by knowing him that he's great just by the fact that you know a surgeon of mine came and visited me across the states!  It was great to see him :)  He is such a great person to talk to, and it was like an old friend was visiting, not somebody who has been elbows deep in my belly! That was maybe a bit much huh? ew, sorry.  Anyways, the first night we had dinner that worked out great - a thank you to HPPD people once again, we had some Maggiano's brought to us that night, yummo!  Perfect timing!  The second night my parents brought Jang to Pizanos (which I personally am not the biggest fan of, I think the crust is oddly buttery), but he got to try some Chicago style pizza :)  Here are a few pictures of the weekend while he was here.  I asked him how to write something for my wall in Korean, and he came up with something pretty cool.  The top part is my name, and under it is a phrase he says is kind of popular right now, slang really.  It means you're cool; you're tough; etc.. so it seemed to fit just right :)   I have one minor mistake on the writing, but you don't know that right? :)  Thanks to Doc Moon for a great weekend!  I also got to see 2 of my girlfriends this weekend which ALWAYS makes me happy.  Spending time with people I love is all I can ask for.  

Medically- oh yea, that's what this is for right?...... Medically ;) we drained some fluid at home for the first time today.  My nurse came out and helped us, which I needed I was (and still am) super nervous that it could spread infection.  Really its a risk just like the other lines I have, but I was just nervous that it could easily not be sterile.  We seemed to do okay today, and I believe we will continue to do the same.  Unfortunately when you're at home you can't really drain too much at a time, because there's a risk your blood pressure could drop fast and you're not in the best place if that happens and you're at home.  In the outpatient place I did about 4 liters both times, but at home I can do 1.  It still helps things, so we'll probably do this for a few days to help.  I think thats all I can type for now, the game is giving me road finger rage. rarrr!!

Still- I always send lots and lots of love :)

Sammy

Another Day...... Another Day....

Hey everyone... I hope that everyone had a good week and is almost ready for the weekend!  As far as the medical stuff goes with my abdomen, I had an interesting day of ups and downs yesterday.  We were originally supposed to have the procedure to drain my abdomen of fluid again, which is bittersweet.  It's not the most fun thing in the world, but it feels so  much better afterwards in regards to pain.  It relieves pain in my back since so much weight is put on so quickly.  I wasn't going to let the pain/pressure in the front and back get ANYWHERE near where it was last when I had to go in.  

Oh boy.. that was bad.  They had to drug me up quite a bit to get my pain to tolerable.  But anyways, this time that I went in I found out there was a possibility of putting a catheter in my back/side to get rid of fluid in the pleural (I think thats right?) area.  It's the area around your lungs but not IN them...This brought back memories of many pleural cathetars that were in for weeks and usually being pulled out just to be put back in in another spot, or side, or both.  Anywho, I was NOT happy when I found out about the possible lung drainage that day.  I knew it would come up at some point, we were thinking about a chest x-ray especially with the thought of pnemonia, but he just used his ultrasound that he used on my tummy to mark to also look in my lung area for fluid but didn't see any YAAAYYYYY!!!!!! This made me so happy I cannot even tell you.  I wouldn't have them left in or anything, just drained and removed...but still I was scared.  

 

Anyways, we emptied another 4 liters of fluid since last Wednesday (so 7 days) but this time the catheter was left in.  It's entry point is on my right side, opposite of my ostomy.  There is a tube running on the bottom part of that area in my belly, almost like a smiley face at the bottom (but you can't see the tube.)  The tube is relatively small, and it looks like one of those hoses with all the holes in them.  So whenever I feel that I need to empty it I will be able to do this at home, but have to be so careful and clean.  Its another large risk of infection so I need to be careful.  When its not in use there's about 6 inches or so of tube in a circle on top of a foam pad thing (definitely the medical lingo) and then we use a tegaderm (clean plastic sticky barrier we use for lots of things) to keep it down and sterile.  

So that hopefully was enough medical stuff to make up for my last blog that was more "diary" entry as I call it.  Today I actually have quite a visitor!  Dr. Moon from Miami is going to be in town for a medical conference I think, so he's coming over for a while!  This is exciting!  It is a bit of bad timing though.  I'm moving very slowly and in pain now from the procedure and I would have loved for him to see me moving about more freely, but hey whatcha gonna do?  Also I'm usually using the oxygen most of the day now, but again, oh well!  If it weren't for him this blog wouldn't be posted.  Hope everyone has a good weekend, maybe I'll find something interesting for a post.  It's a bit nippy outside but enjoy the outdoors before snow (ewwwwwwwww) while we can :)  As always-

Lots of Love,

Sammy

P.S. soooomebody I know who maybe happens to be one of the greatest dad's in the world has quite a big birthday coming up.  We're gonna have to break out the AARP cards, wheelchairs, maybe even lend my oxygen tanks over to someone on the 15th. ;) Love ya daddy

Woaw look how fast this one was! :)

Hey everyone... I'm sitting here with 'Nebzie' my new nebulizer like the one I used to use when I was a kid.  It's helping to open up my airway so I can breathe better with what seems to be a case of pneumonia.  Hopefully it'll break stuff up in there so I can cough it up and get it OUT! (yummy, sorry) Here's a picture for immature friends like Ness who thinks the word Nebulizer makes me a dork.  Anyways thought I'd write in this short one that tomorrow I'm going to get fluid drained again (before the pain reaches ANYTHING like it did last week), and the next day probably a more permanent catheter put in so I can drain the fluids at home when I want to.  This will help with pain and other issues.  That's all for now folks! 

Lots of love,

Sammy